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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that an online journalist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|